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How do you find motivation for the gym? I hate going and I feel like my bf has to drag me kicking and screaming everytime and I hate it. I just donapos;t see any results, ever. I feel like I waste an 1 1/2 hour by going when I could be doing homework or just something else I enjoy. I hate the sweaty hair (I have to constantly re-straighten my hair with a flat iron when it gets wet so because I have a fro so.. That also irks me about going) and itapos;s so out of the way on my campus to go. Running on a treadmill or elliptical for 30-45mins and then strength training is boring when you donapos;t see anything positive happening to your body. It just isnapos;t giving me results and Iapos;d like to be more positive about it but I canapos;t until I see results.


I guess this is more of a rant.. Iapos;m just so upset that nothing is working for me.
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before leaving for our thanksgiving road trip to thunder bay, i was in a mad dash to do a bit of clothes shopping for chaeli. Once again, she sprouted more then i had anticipated and with the fall weather upon us, a lot of our 4T pants looked like they were becoming capri's. And not in a good way.

we're at a very awkward stage, though. Most 4T's are too short (strangely it really depends on where i bought them, though i have a bit of a beef to pick with children's place - the regular 4T pants are way shorter then their 4T jeans - what is up with that? walmart is worse - they seem to be missing a huge gap of sizes going from toddlers to youth size - argh) and most 5T pants are a bit too long on her. I'm thankful that we recently got some hand-me downs in which the pants seemed to fit her perfectly with just enough length to last her through at least he majority of winter.

i have a confession, though. While i have no problem with hand-me downs, the type of hand-me downs seem to be either really fancy dresses or very weekend-wear athletics. Which are great... But i also allow myself to splurge on a couple of outfits (without going to the high-end brand name stores) per season that might be more then what i usually am comfortable in spending. This time, i bought her a blue, pin-stripe, button down girl's shirt with a very cool and preppy, v-neck sweater vest. The dress shirt sticks out a little both front and back. And the pattern on the sweater vest is all the rage for this fall's fashion.

today, the weather was cool enough to send her off in this outfit (worn with very dark, blue, boot-flare jeans) and you can imagine how excited i was to take her to school in something as cool as this.

much to my dismay, she looked down at her shirt, looked up and what was a pretty happy kid turned into one big, sulking face and a, "this isn't pretty at all"

what? what did she say? i couldn't believe my ears. And what happened next was me telling her that she's going to wear it because it cost a lot, is very fashionable, and sometimes looking cool is more important then looking pretty and that looking pretty isn't important enough to do ALL THE TIME and besides, there are a lot of underprivileged children who don't even get clean clothes let alone new clothes... EVER

by the time we got the school, she decided that she liked what she was wearing. Though only because all the teachers were gushing at her new outfit.

i suppose i've entered that stage where chaeli's going to decide what she's going to wear. I've never had a problem with this. Long after most parents have given up and let their kids decide what they want to wear almost on a daily basis, i've been sitting there wondering when it's going to happen in our household (because it's pretty much a given that at one point, they will do this and no one really can predict when).

luckily, i picked out some other outfits that are still cool and stylish but just enough on the girly side for her to except (a splash of pink here and one butterfly or heart there - small dabs of girliness only).

and the funniest thing is that even though she loves dressing up as a princess, she loves sharks, robots, cars, laughs whenever her spongebob game burps or looses his underpants, and rarely plays with her 'barbecue' dolls (translation - barbie dolls).

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big crotch

So, after watching the Presidential debates, there is only one pop-culture comparison I can make that, I think, accurately depicts our players.

Itapos;s Bugs Bunny vs. Elmer Fudd.

Think about it. Thereapos;s McCain all kitted up and ready to hunt terrorists rabbits Democrats, and then on the other side thereapos;s Obama, who keeps breaking the fourth wall and sharing these "What the hell, guys?" looks with the viewing audience at home. McCain gets angrier and angrier, and every time he tries to attack he winds up flat on the ground, with Obama having neatly hopped out of the line of fire and looking totally unruffled in the process.

Itapos;d be hilarious if the stakes werenapos;t so serious.

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bug bunny show tweety

So this last saturday i threw my second art show at paul sweet on october 10th nov 2008. There was so much on the fly networking and communication that it is hard to immediately put it into coherant words how it went. But it went. I throw anarchy art shows to create a space for artists to just kick it with each other rather that just passing in school or on the street or some stuffy formal art show, you can come kick it in the livingroom and put up what you brought.
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Yarly.
Iapos;ve decided to put my ideas and stuffs on here, to stop them from tormenting me at night.
As you all know, however, i AM�still ME. So donapos;t expect constant updates....
lol. Lazy.

Oh well, lets go.....
Last night, I took a best friend of mine to see Wall-E, because it was her birthday.
I loved it again, for the fith time.
But the detail, ahh soo much, like the toy story Rex figurine in the collection, the Buzz lunchbox and the Pizza Planet truck. Pixarapos;s ingenuity never ceases to awe me. Every movie is detailed, like a four course meal. First the storylines, beautiful and meaningful, full of courage and love, then the animation, seamless and intricate, Music that brings a special element to each story, such as La vie en Rose and Put on your Sunday Clothes in Wall-E, Le Festin in Ratatouille and If I Didnapos;t Have You in Monsters Inc. And finally, in every movie unforgettable characters. Like Edna Mode in the Incredibles, Dory in Finding Nemo, Boo in Monsters Inc, Remy, Buzz, Woody, Jessie�among so many more.
But the thing that awed me the most in Wall-E, was the credits
IF�YOU�GO�SEE�IT�STAY�BACK�TO�WATCH�THE�CREDITS. THEY�ARE�AMAZING.
Being an art student, I could only delight in watching Pixar visually flick through beautiful art styles, egyptian, impressionism and pointilism. It was wonderful, the dessert for my four course meal in Wall-E.
It made me very happy indeed.
Very, very, happy.

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This is not what I wanted. I cannot tell you how I feel. I cannot concentrate. You are there and I can hear you and you make me fumble on words. If I could just think and take my time I could tell you what I want.

I am angry at myself for not thinking. I did not think things through and because of it I have hurt my friends.

I am angry at you because you gave me a day to figure out what it usually takes me weeks to understand.

I am afraid to be alone.

I am sick of you telling me I will be ok. Give me proof because I donapos;t believe it.

I cant hurt you. You are the one I love. But when you are gone and I am tired of waiting, I will have no choice. I know I wont be able to do it though. I dont have the balls.

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birthday tween

I am now a respectable citizen of the LJ paid member community. Hurrah

Naturally, this new citizenship prompted a search for a new layout as well, so those of you who actually drop by my journal will find things more lavender than usual. It took me forever to find a layout I was semi-happy with; I think one of these days Iapos;m going to have to develop my own. I have a very specific set of criteria I want it to fill. Sadly, none of them have to do with cutesy illustrations on the upper left corner of the page, or else this would be easier...
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angel koran

Afgelopen week kan ik vooral omschrijven als nuttig. De hele week ben ik druk bezig geweest met mijn toekomst (nog meer dan gewoonlijk): alle dagen was ik wel bij mijn advisor, Jane Tiedge, te vinden om mijn vakken voor volgend semester te kiezen en om me voor te bereiden op vier jaar Amerika, stel ik word uitgeloot.

Ook ben ik naar een Pre-Med advisor geweest. Deze is normaal niet voor freshman, maar als internationale student krijg je natuurlijk net een beetje meer aandacht. Ze was heel enthousiast over mijn plannen en ik heb allemaal informatie gekregen over de megelijkheden die er zijn.

Na dit gedaan te hebben ben ik een aantal professoren langs gegaan om te vragen of ik hun vakken zou kunnen volgen (bijv. ASIA-305 Traditional Chineese Medicine, omdat dit een 300vak ik, normaal voor juniors en seniors, moest ik van tevoren vragen of ik me er ook voor aan kon melden).

Uiteindelijk ben ik tot een uitdagend maar mooi vakkenpakket gekomen voor het tweede semester: BIOL-150: Becomming Biologist Seminar, BIOL-255: Human Anatomy, BIOL-255L: Lab, CHEM-122: General Chemistry II, CHEM-122L: Lab, LSFY-102: From Aristotle to Newton en SOC-100: Introduction to Sociology. Dit is voor een totaal van 13 credits. Het enige wat me nog in de weg staat is de registratie. Vanaf gister kunnen de juniors en seniors beginnen met hun vakken te kiezen, daarna de sophomores, en uiteindelijk, 23 oktober, de freshman. Nu maar hopen dus dat over 9 dagen alle vakken nog beschikbaar zijn.

Na deze drukke week ben ik een druk en leuk weekend in gegaan; mijn ouders zijn vrijdag aangekomen en het was Home Comming Vrijdag was het weer leuk om mijn ouders mijn nieuwe leefomgeving te laten zien. Net nadat ze bij Westerlin aangekomen waren, en mijn kamer gezien hadden, gingen we al op weg naar de Coronation Sing. Hier werd de Vi-King en Vi-Queen gekozen en namen alle studentenverenigingen het tegen elkaar op door middel van zang en dans. Na een typisch Amerikaans avondje waren mijn ouders, al vol met nieuwe indrukken, naar hun hotel gegaan.

De volgende ochtend verzamelden mijn vrienden, ik en mijn oudrs om 9:15 's ochtends om naar McCain te gaan die naar de Quad Cities kwam om de staat Iowa voor zich te winnen. De volle Town Hall werd helemaal gek toen de presidentskandidaat met een bus binnen kwam rijden. Zelf vond ik het praatje niet veel inhouden, maar het was ERG leuk om meegemaakt te hebben.

Die middag hebben we onze gezichten geschminkt en zijn we naar de football game geweest. Omdat het Home Comming was, was alles nog net iets mooier en beter dan altijd: de cheerleaers vlogen door de lucht en de band speelde vrolijke deuntjes. Ondanks alle moeite mocht het niet baten, de Vikings verloren, maar het spectakel er omheen was super.

Die avond ben ik met mijn ouders lekker uit eten geweest en na weer bijgepraat te zijn ben ik thuis gebracht.

Deze week zal weer een gewoon school weekje worden, afgewisseld met bezoekjes van mijn ouers.

Meer Amerika verhalen van deze week kan je lezen op de weblog van mijn ouders: muldergoesus.web-log.nl

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"Everything I asked for, you were all Iapos;ve ever wanted"

12th October 2008

God took her early cuz He loves her most.

When she already couldnapos;t move, couldnapos;t talk, I held her hand prayed into her ear, she summoned all her strength just to grab my hands tightly, to show that sheapos;ll always love me.

Everytime she said "I love you", I never replied. I was never one to express my feelings (to family).
But when I felt her hands tightly around mine, I was so overwhelmed it suddenly dawned on me that I may never be able to see her again, confide in her, shared joy, fun laughter. Hold her hands while out shopping, looking for good food.

Iapos;m just glad I got to tell you I love you before you left. You were the only one who understood me. The only one who could tell I was crying even just by the silence over the phone.

Living with you for almost two years, Iapos;ve had no regrets. All you did was try to make me happy, try to accomodate me. But all I did was being a selfish ungrateful brat who didnapos;t appreciate what I had, that was a motherapos;s love.

My brothersapos; I held on to her hands till her final breath.
�
I saw the most beautiful sunset, ever. Thatapos;s my mumapos;s pretty face smiling down on me, saying sheapos;ll always be looking out for me.

I guess the fact that she will no longer be with me (physically) didnapos;t sink down till I was in the bus on my way back just now.

I love you mum, Iapos;ll always do.

I know the easiest way to get through this is by forgetting,�but I know you want whatapos;s best for me, I know youapos;ll understand, as you always do.

But youapos;ll always live in my heart, I love you forever ever cuz youapos;re the only one in the whole wide world.

I am gonna miss you very very much.

I know youapos;ll be going somewhere much much better, away from all the troubles of life. I know God has saved a place for you in Heaven. You will always be #1, I love you forever ever.

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